I've always adapted, changed, studied what I didn't know, switched from my trade into management, then a new trade, a business, a new idea, boom or bust. I always thought it was boredom. Eventually realising It was consistent with mood swings, poor memory and fatigue.
My social life wasn't any different, always bored and looking for something new.
Although now that I know a lot more about the illnesses that I live with it's become a lot easier to manage. Bipolar has many different problems and triggers, but realising how they affect me individually or in a combined attack has allowed me to function quite ok.
It certainly wasn't easy before I started to control my mind, in fact, it almost killed me.
I'd become a master chameleon, changing constantly to hide and protect myself.
I did it to 'fit in' for the wrong reasons and for the wrong people.
I never actually did what was right for me, If I had of accepted that mental illness was part of my day to day existence and realised help was available, things may have been a whole lot different.
When everything fell apart there was nothing but darkness, I had no environment or surroundings to adapt to, the chameleon ran out of colours.
After a lot of thought, it's not the surroundings (outside) I was trying to adapt to, it was a way of hiding from what was on the inside, an almighty predator.
Suicide was that predator and depression made up a trail of bread crumbs to my mind.
This is how I see it, each bread crumb that's eaten is like a piece of your mind is being consumed, it weakens and if you don't start feeding your mind healthy meals, it keeps getting weaker and weaker until it just can't cope anymore.
The great news. With the right people and whatever it is you need in the way of support, you can absolutely feed your mind back to health. I urge you to start as soon as you know you have depression or any type of bad thoughts. If it only seems minor and not causing any real problems yet, start with a visit and a check up with your GP.
I continue to try and feed my mind a healthier diet these days, but I live with the knowledge I carry depression with me everyday. Suicide is not something I want to visit me again and it's a place I want to see us all helping our mates away from.
I live with suicide ideation every day, it never leaves, but I keep it under control by employing several learned coping strategies. It's hard work, but it's work worth doing.
Depression affects us all in different ways, we're dealing with the mind afterall.
If you experience any mental health problems, I encourage you to Speak up. Seek Help.
Prevention before Crisis
beyondblue 1300 224 636 Walking Wounded 1300 030 364 Men's Line 1300 789 978 Kids Helpline 1800 551 800 Lifeline 13 11 14